“Some said I wasn’t gonna show up. At least, that’s what the talk was about. But I show up to the show down when the show’s on to show off for all of the crowd.” – Shotty Horroh
Now I’m not talking about battle rapping here. I am, however, talking about being there for our people. Our true people. The people that make the 1st hand count. As in, when we’re naming off the most important people in our lives, whose on the first hand? Is it family or friends? Cousins? Squad mates? Comrades? Take a second and think about who makes the first hand when you’re naming off the important people in your life. I’m an older brother to 7 siblings from a few different homesteads. So you can bet that siblings take up quite a bit of hand space. I love them all and I do the best I can to show up when they need me.
I’m not a parent. Maybe I will be one day. As a son though I will say that if you’re a parent, show up for your kids. While there is still time, show up for your children. Most people, I feel, don’t need to be told that. They get it. It all clicks for them. Some kids aren’t so lucky and their parents are distant from them or don’t communicate well enough. Just consider that when children are around. Are we engaged with them or just showing up and being around.
I’ve done a talk about a similar subject before on my Youtube channel but I feel like I didn’t address our role in all of this. Link: https://youtu.be/_7WCBChGIkg
When we’re in a relationship that is different from family. A relationship that we’ve cultivated and chosen to a part of, we need to show up in that relationship. Sometimes it takes more work to make that happen. This is something that I’ve worked on for a little while now. I’m not talking about just being around people. Feeling the urge to be on our phone’s the whole time we’re with someone might be a sign that we don’t want to be with them or even around them? If you’re there being disengaged, uninterested and just taking up space then why even be there? This is a question that you should ponder the answer to. Are you around out of habit or familiarity? Has this relationship or friendship run it’s course? Is there more you can be doing to improve this relationship? Questions like this can take some time to reach the conclusion but be sure to take that time.
It’s not an act of selfishness to choose not to continue being in a relationship that is unfulfilling or utterly draining. Feel free to escape. I certainly won’t judge and this won’t be the first time a person ever chose to leave someone or have a friend breakup.
On the other hand, did you reach the conclusion that this is worth continuing? Then it’s time to start showing up. Showing up is being present in the moment for that person and with that person. Connect with the people that you want to have around you. Enrich one another’s lives by living in one another’s lives. Well, easier said than done, right? Wrong. If all else fails then ask them, “how can I make this relationship better?” They may very well look at you funny. Probably will. However, you’re sincerity and commitment to the relationship will be conveyed through the same words, even if it is subtle.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
There are some people who may scoff or not believe in the above statement but I think that humans belong in groups. Group centric as primates are, I think that there is something engrained in us to be a part of a group. Some group. Any group. Certainly, you can go lone wolf for some time but many people wouldn’t know what to do without their connections to other humans. Those interactions with their families, loved ones or the safety that some people feel with just a handful of strangers on a subway.
Speaking of loved ones, it is often the people of our inner circles that we take for granted the most. Those people who love us unconditionally and would do anything for us. Keep this in mind when interacting with the people who we care about. It might feel a bit silly to reiterate the Golden Rule here but treat others the way you’d like to be treated. If you want people to pay attention to you and spend time with you then you have to do the same for them.
Attention and time are two commodities that we have to give. Notice how it’s “spend time” and “pay attention.” Why? Well because both are resources. A type of currency, if you will. Both of these resources do not regenerate. They do not come from thin air, they can only be exchanged. Given and received. Who are we spending them with and who are we receiving them from? If we truly care about someone then they should receive both commodities from us during our time together. Engage them with our full and undivided attention. Share time together. Make eye contact when talking to people. If this is a new experience, it may very well be unnerving at first but they will appreciate the attention they receive. That person we’ve been attracted to all this time will notice more if we are actively engaged with them during conversations.
Remember, time and attention are non-renewable, only exchangeable. Love each other but most importantly, SHOW UP.