Jerking it to Self-Help books… motivational Youtube videos… or blog posts… etc.


I have twelve self-help books in my bookcase.

I know.

I think it seems like a lot, too. What should I do?

Fucking,… why so many?

The introspective answer could be that I thought I was broken and I wasn’t really. Then, I could respond with pessimism and say that I totally still am broken as ever. I’m not really all that pessimistic though. Do pessimists use totally? Comment below and let me know. It must be crazy exhausting to live as a pessimist. Maybe the real answer here is that I’m lazy and thought that the next book would have an easier method of self realization or something. The real secret here: I never finished a single one of these books cover to cover. NOT ONE. If I had then maybe I wouldn’t have bought more. Haha.

Actually, I just checked. I finished one. “The Slight Edge.” BOOM! Catapult me to life success, baby! It wasn’t a hardcover though. Plus, I forgot most of it by now. And it was on my Kindle app. I’m not soft, you’re soft.

I’m more of a book minimalist, I don’t own a lot of hardcovers. Wait…. oh, shit. *As I snatch up my phone and check Kindle again.* I have three more self-help books in my Kindle app (one of which is a book that I already have in hardcover). Fifteen total. Dude. What the hell?

Am I alone in this? Is this a weird thing? I’m on a quest for knowledge here, so … does that make it okay? Forever the student, yes? Wait……. IS THIS WHAT RELIGION IS?

Enough of that nightmare. Let’s check the Youtube stats.

Yeah. Just as I suspected.

I can’t even track down and count the hours, minutes and seconds I’ve spent on Youtube watching what I could only call “motivational porn” from the likes of Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss and Gary Vaynerchuk. Grant Cardone and Tai Lopez are fucking false prophets. There, I said it. My self-helpies know what I’m about.

Wouldn’t that be like a weird ass gang? The Southside Self-helpies. Or something lame like that. Our whole M.O. is that we’d convince you that your better than that gangster life and you can rise above and when you hang it up, we move in on your turf.

Honestly, it was a punch to the gut when Gary Vaynerchuk said that “the reason you’re not doing shit is because you value someone else’s opinion of you over your own opinion of you.” And he was right.


You’re right, Gary. Now, what? Epiphany, then what? Take action? Write a blog post? Because I’m crazy and think that other crazies might relate to this senseless dribble? OF COURSE! Duh. Of course I’m going to write a blog post. My stuff is esoteric and shit. Maybe I should change the name of the blog to “Esoteric and Shit”. Thoughts?

It’s been a weird day. This post made it, surprisingly, less weird for me. Probably way more weird for you. Sorry about that. Better luck next time. You can’t win them all.

Charles Bukowski once said, “Write drunk, edit sober.” Which takes it a little farther than the quote that I’m not famous for at all and, in fact, just made up right now, “Wagde dqoww al;gknnnnsggg hhhh0=88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888


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