Spite’ll do.

Life has been busy (read: non-prioritized) so I apologize for my absence. I’ve had a lot of things asking for my attention and I said “yes” to one too many. I’ve written before about being selfish with your time. This is one of those times where a reminder was needed to keep my guard up else minutes, hours or even *gasp* days will slip by without notice. This first post since March is about Motivation. I wanted to write about Motivation because I wanted to read about Motivation but not everyone can motivate you. You need to motivate you with what you need to hear. Some people talk to themselves in the mirror. I write blog posts that I need to read now or at a later time. Moving on…

The question of Motivation hasn’t always been fascinating to me. As I’ve grown older,  my time has become more limited and I find myself questioning “why” I do things. This isn’t the same as a child asking why they should have to do certain things asked of them. More along the lines of asking why you stay with a person who doesn’t bring out the best in you. Or a company that may or may not be right for you? There are default answers to these questions like “I need a job.” Yes. But why that one? Are you not motivated enough to find another one? Are you looking? Are you really looking or is it not all that bad? If it was the most horrible job or they were the most horrible of people, you’d probably leave with or without a plan. What’s the motivation to stay? Fear of the unknown? Maybe. That’s what I’m afraid of.

Everyone has different reasons for carrying on or doing their thing. Some people have children that need to be provided for and so they work their asses off to do that. Some didn’t have it so easy growing up and so they work their asses off to make their own lives better. Some people want a new car, prestige or material wealth. For some people, it’s easy for themselves and for others to know their motivations. The rest of us aren’t quite sure. Maybe it comes from not having a defined list of values. If someone asked for your three core values, would you have them? Did I miss that part of life class? Is that something people are getting tattooed on them yet? What if your values have changed since you last defined them?

The motivations of artists and creative types are interesting as well because they are not moved by the same things as other people. What moves the poet or painter? Is it a need for expression? Is it compelling? Do musicians write music while visions of prestige dance in their brain? Maybe, but probably not all of them. Why do I write blog posts? Am I just thinking out loud or am I trying to stir some conversation? I’m certainly not writing for “likes” and “shares.” Why have I painted stuff that no one will ever see? Is it because I want these to go the way many of my paintings have like ending up in the garbage or living in closets? No because where they would end up wasn’t on my mind when I painted them. I wasn’t sitting at the canvas saying “maybe they’ll like this one more.” I’m not much of a painter anyway. Imagine “Painting with a Twist” except that it’s just me, in my apartment, with no instructions, drunk, painting my face like Old Gregg and pressing it onto a canvas while saying “here comes Old Gregg, he’s a scaly man fish.” Yeah. That face you just made after reading that. That isn’t why I did it. Not really sure why I did it. Why does anyone do anything? What’s my motivation? Money? Nah. Adoring fans? Eh. I guess when all else fails, try spite. Spite’ll do. So the next time you don’t want to get out of bed, go to work or do your thing, remember that someone out there is hoping you don’t. They’re hoping you’ll fail. Fuck that person.


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