Chasing

“You’re spread too thin to be useful.” Harsh, I know. But I, once, said that to someone because it was true and I felt they would benefit from hearing it. Was I right? I’ll probably never know.

Now, I feel those words echoing back at me.

Spinning plates or endless phone notifications. Whatever visual creates that apprehension or dread. Like a group text conversation that you can’t opt out of but doesn’t really have a purpose that pertains to you and you’ve got work early in the morning and you need to go to bed so what you want to do is toss your phone off the balcony but you remember that it’s expensive and so you just toss yourself off the balcony instead. Even though you’re expensive.

You know. That visual.

To claim that “I’m busy” makes it sound like I’m afflicted with some kind of plight. But much of it feels like  my own doing so am I really busy or did I overcommit myself? Did I lose focus and allow myself to end up this way? These answers are worth pondering.

I’ve been working, attending school, trying to be at least an okay friend, trying not to recluse from those who love me, trying to diet, trying to date, trying to start a company or push a passion into an income stream (even if minor), trying to move into a campervan, trying to get the ol’ four hours a night in, trying to chase… something.

Well, shit. Looking at that list, I’m not chasing something. It looks more like I’m chasing everything, doesn’t it? Anything, even. Damn. That’s a lot of effort expended. Burning a lot of fuel but not getting too far because I’m driving a mile this way, U-turning and driving 2 miles that way, repeat until out of gas. Or the photo of the kid trying to chase all the birds at once.

Hmm…

If I ever have to write an autobiography or a memoir or something about myself, I’ll probably call it, “Epiphany, now what?” because the next steps are usually the hardest and I’ll often have a realization without knowing where that will lead me.

Right now, I think that Gratitude and Appreciation can guide me the most. Provided that I can sprinkle in some prioritization and some fun. I mean all work and no play, am I right? Do I have goals that I’d like to achieve? Of course. Can I do twenty things at once and expect them all to come out fantastic? Yes, but I’ll be disappointed. At the same time, I have to keep in mind that I’m overcommitted at the moment and make moves to free up that time. Derek Siver’s exercise regarding “Hell Yeah or No” comes to mind. When presented with something that seems sort or interesting but you’re not all in, it becomes “Hell Yeah or No.” Mostly because if you fill your time with things that are “yeah, okay” then when opportunities for the “Hell Yeah” show up, you don’t get to truly enjoy them. I’ve mentioned this before on this blog but this is just one of those times where I’ve forgot to practice what I preach.

It’s time to focus again and chase the right things.


2 thoughts on “Chasing

  1. I have felt this intensely over the past six months to a year. Maybe longer. Anyway, it’s difficult to buckle down. Everything’s shiny, or IMPORTANT, or… whatever other thing goes there. Sending you energy, hoping you find your direction.

    Like

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